Norma Millar is a 44-year-old mother of three beautiful children. She is also what is known in the Deaf community as a CODA, Child of a Deaf Adult – both her parents are profoundly Deaf.
When asked how she coped growing up, Norma shrugs her shoulders and says it was the only reality she knew. Looking back, she now realises that she matured quickly and became a very early communicator, being the spokesperson for the family.
‘’ One of the first things people ask when they know my background, is how I learnt to speak growing up. And I can never answer, because as far as I was concerned, I always thought I had a normal childhood and learnt to speak like everybody else. I remember being five and having to phone the doctor, dentist and hairdresser to make appointments for myself, Mom and Dad,’’ explains Norma who has a sister six years younger than she. “To this day, when I go to a restaurant, I order for the whole table. My husband has given up placing his own order,’’ laughs Norma.
Norma points out that people who are Deaf and hard of hearing make up the biggest handicap group, and that if someone temporarily loses their ability to hear, they need to readjust to sounds when this sense returns, as the auditory processing parts of the brain need to be constantly stimulated. This is not the case with sight.
Norma’s father, Bobby, is 100% Deaf while her mom, Jean is profoundly Deaf, and wears a hearing aid which alerts her to noises, although she cannot process speech sounds.
‘’My mom seems to have developed an ‘extra’ sense. She doesn’t sleep with her hearing aid, and when I was little, I would get up and just stand by her bed and she would wake up instantly. She always seemed to know when us kids needed her.’’
‘’The Deaf community is the closest-knit community I have been exposed to. It is very difficult for people who are Deaf to be fully part of a hearing social event, as it is difficult to lip read unless someone is facing you squarely, so group conversations in a hearing environment are incredibly strenuous, and difficult. If more people knew Sign Language, people who are Deaf or hard of hearing would not feel so isolated and lonely in this environment,’’ continues Norma. In addition, if people were made aware of the best way to communicate with Deaf people (e.g. making sure that your mouth is visible for lip-reading, not covering your mouth), it would also be of great value.”
‘’Within the community my parents are very social, especially with the friends they made at school. My folks met at St Vincent’s School for the Deaf in Johannesburg, as is the case with many of the couples they socialise with. Growing up, I spent many of my weekends playing with children whose parents are Deaf and despite, the common perception, it wasn’t a quiet environment. I often attribute my non-stop talking to the fact that my parents never knew how noisy I was, and therefore, never told me to keep quiet!’’ jokes Norma.
‘’Although I had a happy and fulfilling childhood, I suppose it wasn’t necessarily the same as everyone else’s. As a youngster, I do remember starting to be aware that our family was different, and noticing that people would stare at our family communicating in Sign Language. I did sometimes get frustrated with the way people would treat my parents. While some people would be awkward, others would treat my mom and dad as if they were incapable of doing basic tasks, which was annoying because they are the most capable people I know. My grandparents never learnt Sign Language which disappointed me, but I suppose it was just how things were those days. However, I would rebel sometimes by only speaking in Sign Language to my parents, without any voice, whilst my grandparents were there. I think my grandparents were concerned that this would impede my speech development, but I was just trying to prove a point about them not trying to communicate in my parents’ language.’’
“I understood from early on that I was often the link between my parents and the outside hearing world, who never fully understood them. People were never sure how to treat them, and were often awkward and uncomfortable. Once, in a shop, an attendant was trying to explain to my mom that her name was Pearl, and my mom and I watched in embarrassed amusement how she crawled about the floor of the shop, trying to re-enact swimming in the ocean to find a pearl, as if to a small child. We were very good at stemming our laughter until we had left the shop. Over time I realised that people don’t know how to react to a disability, and thus their behaviour can be perceived as insulting, which I now know is not the intention. I think what people sometimes forget, is that just because someone is Deaf, they are in no way less than anyone else. They are just as intelligent, have just as much of a sense of humour, and are every bit the same as everyone else. They just can’t hear. “
‘’My dad’s deafness was caused by his mom contracting German Measles during her pregnancy, while the cause of my mom’s deafness is unknown. I am often asked whether I was anxious, throughout my pregnancies, that my children would be born Deaf. To be honest I wasn’t. Deafness is part of my life and it has never hindered my parents in any way, so I don’t see it as a disability.’’
‘’Both my parents worked as tracers and drafts people, and paid off the bonds, their cars, put us through school, and were always completely, fiercely, independent. We never went without anything. When I left school, they encouraged me to study at Cape Town University. I wanted to stay and make sure they were okay but they knew it would be good for me to go spread my wings, for which I am very grateful. I am enormously proud of both my parents, and everything that they are, and that they have achieved.”
‘’I battle when people make excuses for not being able to achieve something. My children know that if they are moaning about something insignificant that I react with two words ‘Father Cyril’ to help put things in perspective. Father Cyril Axelrod is the only recorded Deafblind Priest in history. He went to school with my parents and christened me as a baby. He was born Deaf and, after studying to become a Catholic Priest, became blind. Instead of adopting the attitude of a victim, he went on to do missionary work here and internationally – inspiring, to say the least. He now lives in the UK and has dedicated his life’s work to creating inclusive communities – where able and disabled people work and learn from each other through a model of educational empowerment. Father Cyril Axelrod is an inspiration to humanity.’’
“Four years ago, I studied hearing aid acoustics through the University of Pretoria. It was quite a challenge, as I had to study from Durban, and travel to Pretoria to attend pracs and assessments. I found it quite tough to do, whilst still trying to run my family and home. Nevertheless, I graduated after two years, and was ready to enter in a field that I was super excited about.”
“Shortly after that, however, I was diagnosed with cancer, and had to have surgery that left me unable to speak for a few months. My mother came down from Johannesburg to care for me, and because I could only make myself understood by signing, she was the only one who could effectively communicate with me. What a lovely thing it was, to have, in a role reversal, my mother as my spokesperson, and my link to the outside world. It was an amazing experience for us both, and one that allowed me to feel to my core how very important Sign Language is.”
“Six months after my recovery, I was determined to create some sort of awareness of the importance of Sign Language. Also, to assert myself as being very much alive and still capable. So, my best friend and I climbed Kilimanjaro in support of the Talk Sign Campaign, and raised a healthy contribution due to the kind support of so many people. For now, I am hoping for no more excitement in the foreseeable future, and a good stretch of peace.”
Talk Sign Campaign, an initiative of the KZN Blind and Deaf Society, aims to popularise South African Sign Language (SASL) and raise money, through the sale of stickers, to educate and find employment for people who are Deaf. To order stickers to sell for R10 each at your business or school, please e-mail alice@thealist.co.za.