Mealtimes round the dinner table can be stressful, but are we fighting the right battles? Christy Herselman gives us food for thought.
The dinner table can sometimes be a battlefield, especially when our children are young. In our attempt to ensure our children’s growing bodies get the nutrients they need, we find ourselves begging, pleading, threatening and punishing, just to get those veggies down. As a result, the table becomes a place we dread, a time fraught with anxiety, where no one is having a good time.
Perhaps we are fighting the wrong battles? Perhaps shifting the focus from what we are eating to who we are eating with would serve the whole family better. Don’t get me wrong, I am very invested in feeding my family healthy, balanced meals, but I am equally – if not more – invested in building and fostering a life-giving environment of conversation and connection that the dinner table offers us.
If our focus is on forcing our children to finish their food instead of finding out how they are doing and what they are thinking, we give up one of the most powerful family-strengtheners there is – time together to ask questions, share experiences and build belonging. It is so important, from the time our children are in highchairs until they are full-grown adults, that the dinner table is where we want to be, a place where we can process our feelings in a safe way, a place we learn to listen and disagree respectfully, a place we laugh and love as we fill our tummies and our souls.
A couple of thoughts on how to make this happen:
• Never force your children to eat anything. Offer healthy options, let them dish up for themselves and leave them to it. As my midwife once told me, no child ever starved themselves to death.
• Encourage your children to try all foods and be adventurous eaters. Reading our kids Dr Suess’s Green Eggs And Ham was how we got this right!
• Have a little structure – sharing a daily highlight/lowlight or pulling out a jar of dinner table questions can help get the chatting going.
• Make the table a place where no questions are stupid or off limits, curiosity and discussion are encouraged and all ideas and views are respected.
• Remember that tea and toast or take-aways are just as sacred as meat and three veg. Life is busy. Whatever you are eating, just try and make sure it is around a table.
• The table should be a strictly device-free space where we are fully present
and engaged.
• Welcome visitors to your table often, including people who are very different to your family. Hospitality and inclusion build community.
So as we raise our families around the table, let’s nourish our souls and relationships, not just our bodies. As we do so, we teach our children valuable life skills and make sure they always feel seen, heard and loved.