In today’s busy world it’s so important to give yourself permission to linger, writes Christy Herselman.
The irony of this moment does not escape me. I sit writing this article amidst probably the busiest five days I have had this year so far. I have done 12 talks in three cities, missed two of my sons’ hockey matches and my daughter’s surfing competition. I have slept way too little and worked way too much. Meals have been on the fly and most of my conversations with my husband have consisted entirely of logistics.
And yet I know that this cannot be my normal. Busy times are par for the course, but busy lives rob us of so many things, including the sweet gift of lingering. I knew that these few days would be crazy and so did my family, but I knew that tonight I would get to linger around the dinner table with my family, celebrating the 13th birthdays of my twin boys. And I cannot wait.
I love the dictionary definition of “to linger”: to stay in a place longer than necessary because of a reluctance to leave. It is such a wonderful feeling and more crucial to our emotional and relational well-being than we might think: One more bedtime story even though it’s a school night, beach days that turn into sundowners, conversations around the dinner table while the dishes go unwashed … there is something sacred and beautiful about lingering. And as it turns out, lingering is as important as it is beautiful.
So many things happen when we linger with people we love: agendas and schedules fall by the wayside, we step off the hamster wheel and enjoy the gift of the moment, we see and are seen, we are fully present and we remember what is really important. And it is only with lingering, being together in unhurried spaces, that we are filled with the sense of belonging, of being rooted and deeply connected with one another
that we as human beings need to thrive.
So in this demanding, fast-paced world where busyness is some kind of sadistic badge of honour, give yourself permission to linger: in that early morning snuggle with your spouse, over that cup of tea with a friend, in that Lego building with your child. The importance of dishes and emails pale in significance, because people are always the prize. We will make time for the urgent things in life, but these important moments can easily slip by.
Don’t let them. Grab hold of them. Linger. Breathe them in and let them remind you that you are loved.