Gina Laurie helps us understand anxiety from our child’s or teen’s perspective.
Fear and anxiety are adaptive and developmentally appropriate emotional responses to actual and perceived threats, and are vital for our survival. Children and adolescents may experience fear and anxiety in response to certain situations, objects, and/or events. Many of these fears are developmentally or age-appropriate, e.g. children aged four to six may be fearful of the dark or adolescents may be fearful of social exclusion and fitting in.
However, anxiety, which is an emotional response to thoughts of perceived or impending danger or threats, can result in excessive or irrational fears, and can lead to the development of an anxiety disorder – which can significantly impair one’s daily functioning. Early identification and intervention is imperative for children and adolescents who experience overwhelming anxiety. Most, if not all, mental health challenges begin with anxiety.
Anxiety presents differently for each individual, but there are some similarities or common red flags to be aware of. Firstly, anxiety may make one avoidant of places, objects, people, and/or situations, as these can act as triggers. Secondly, if a child or adolescent is anxious, they may frequently complain about physical, usually mid-line, ailments such as sore stomachs, headaches, back aches, jaw clenching, and/or neck pain. This is usually accompanied by excessive worry and/or future-focused thinking that is catastrophic in nature (the worst possible outcome). Lastly, anxiety may also drive recurrent panic attacks, safety-seeking behaviours (like excessive hand washing, ordering, seeking reassurance etc.), and/or making decisions based on fear and/or avoidance.
As anxiety is necessary for our survival, we cannot and do not want to get rid of it. Anxiety makes sure we are fearful of potential threats that may cause us harm – like being scared when we see a lion. It is important to note that the part of our brain that is responsible for our emotions cannot decipher between perceived and actual threats (for example, stress in response to an examination and to seeing a lion are perceived as the same threat in the mind). The body then responds in a fight, flight or freeze mode in attempting to protect the individual. The rational brain is dominated by the emotional brain and therefore rational thinking is paused in times of heightened anxiety. The rational brain does kick back in after the anxiety has subsided, but if the emotional brain is not regulated (given time to calm down), the emotional brain becomes the dominant response mechanism in a person’s life.
Children’s and adolescents’ rational brains are not yet fully developed, and as such, they have a dominant emotional brain in response to daily life. As a parent, this is where you can help your child or adolescent process their anxieties up until the developmental point that they are able to do so for themselves.
Here are some practical tips that may help you when your child or adolescent is anxious:
- Try your best to not get sucked into the panic that anxiety can create. Remain calm, sit with your child, reassure them that the anxiety will subside and remind them to focus on deep breathing. Refrain from telling your child to calm down – trust me, they have most likely already tried to do that
- Validate and label their emotions, such as, “I wonder if you are feeling overwhelmed by upcoming exams and if this is making you feel anxious”. By labeling and validating the emotion, it normalises the emotion and takes the power and intensity away from that emotion.
- As anxiety creates future-focused thinking, it is important to help your child be more present in the moment. The 333 technique may help bring awareness to the present. Ask your child to name three things that they can see around them, three things that they can hear, and move three parts of their body.
- Gently remind your child that they can only control the things that they have control over and that there are, and will always be, things that are out of their control.
- Gently remind your child that it is alright to make mistakes and to learn from them. Excessive pressure on children to be perfect (which is completely unattainable and unrealistic) can result in heightened anxiety and a deep fear of making mistakes.
- Try not to give into your child’s avoidance tactics. It may provide short-term relief to give into them, but it will only increase your child’s anxiety in the long-term.
The above-mentioned techniques are not treatments for anxiety, but may assist in the management of it in a way that is gentle and useful for parents who have anxious children. Please seek professional help if you feel your child needs some additional support.
Remember that health is not health without mental health, and there is no shame in reaching out for some extra support if you or your family need it.