The internet, and the booming success of social networking platforms like Facebook (of course, the unbelievable success story with more than 500 million users worldwide), Twitter, MySpace, Friendster.com (90 million members), Digg.com etc have posed a whole bunch of important and sometimes confusing questions for parents.
Facebook – in particular – is new territory, where so much is going on and parents often want to be a part of their kids’ lives . . . but how do their children feel about it?
It’s a huge temptation for parents and relatives (uncles, aunts, kindly grannies or stepmoms and dads) to ask teens to “friend” them on Facebook. After all, there’s a whole new stream of information about what’s going on in their lives, who their friends are, where they’re hanging out, what music they like, what movies they recommend, which girls or boys they like. Or what they’re watching on YouTube! With a simple request parents can have much greater access and insight into their child’s life.
But three important points must be acknowledged: This is a private world, a world of friends and confidantes, where your children feel comfortable discussing their personal lives. They share their thoughts and feelings in a private world away from friends and family. Second, it’s a place where many off-the-cuff, spontaneous comments are made, often in jest and with a context only appreciated by their peers. It’s very easy to get the wrong end of the stick. Third, your child is put in a very difficult position when you send them a friend request.
The last point is really important here. Think for example if you could get into your child’s head all day long . . . at school, at sports, in the evenings when they socialise. What are they doing, what are they thinking, what’s the big talking point of the day? If the children are getting up to nonsense at school, you would never know about it. Now suddenly, you’re there, in the circle and reading all about their lives.
Some children will feel guilty about rejecting parents and families who want to “Friend” them on Facebook. Do you want your child to grudgingly allow you access to some of their social networking life?
Speaking from personal experience – and this is entirely my opinion – I would say leave it alone. Teenagers, in particular, need privacy (away from their parents). Give them some space and let them (along with millions of others), enjoy the Facebook experience. You should be able to, face to face, discuss the issues that are important to you and advise your children on any real or perceived dangers associated with social networking platforms.
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One concerned parent said, “I have specifically not joined Facebook, because of objections from my kids – and I have heard their irritation with older ‘family friends’ or family members who ask to be friends. They really do see it as an invasion of their privacy, and I respect that.
“You have to let go, and trust that there are better communication channels between parents and children. I do know of many parents who actually use Facebook to ‘snoop’ into their kids’ social lives.”
Another, who is friends with her children on Facebook, said she knew there “was something wrong with it, but she worried about her kids and wanted to see what they were up to”. – Garth Johnstone
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