Separation anxiety is a real and scary emotion many children experience when having to say goodbye to their parents. Each child reacts and deals with separation anxiety differently. It’s important to be able to identify signs of separation anxiety and how you can better equip yourself and your child.
Children may have one of four different anxiety separation styles such as: The crier, the brave but scared child (I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cry), the delayed reactor and the silent observer. Some signs of separation anxiety could be clinging to parent/caregiver, tantrums, not wanting to go to school, nightmares, complaining they are sick or fear and restlessness when parent is in another room/bedtime.
During these moments parents should instead of sneaking off, say goodbye in a quick and short manner and not allow the child to feel as if their parents are never coming back. Saying goodbye while a child is throwing a tantrum or crying is very stressful; however they will soon become familiar with you leaving and know that you will be coming back to fetch them.
It’s important for you to not allow your child to see you becoming upset while they are throwing a tantrum as this puts more stress and uneasiness on your child during this period. Smile and encourage your child as this will make them feel safer.
Try not to be on your phone as this takes away the important time with your child and makes it even more difficult for them to settle.
Always tell your children the truth when leaving for work or going to run an errand. It may seem easier for you to lie to your child to make them settle quicker or feel more comfortable but it will have a negative impact on your child later on in life, as they will see lying as an easy way out.
Practice separating from your child during weekends or one day of the week and allow your child to go and stay with a family relative for the night. Providing your child with a comfort object from home is always a good idea as they can relate to a familiar object of their own.
Although it is not easy to hear your child cry, separation does have a positive effect and indicates a healthy attachment. Remember to always be consistent as this will allow the child to settle quicker and begin to arrive more comfortable and independently.
Written by Kirstin Wilson, Teacher Crawford Pre-Primary North Coast.