August 8, 2011. My intelligence (which some question, admittedly) is deeply insulted every time one of the traffic light brigade approaches my car window and hands me another piece of rubbish from yet another quack claiming he can change my life in the wink of an eye.
Now I know it’s not the fault of the poor sod actually handing the thing out, he’s just trying to make a quick buck, and I’m too soft to tell them to go away anyway.
In the picture: Instant happiness guaranteed . . . of course!
It’s kind of like charity work, because you know they’re earning a few bob and you are in all likelihood helping by accepting the junk that rapidly clutters up your car. There is zero likelihood that you’ll actually be interested in reading the bloody thing. What’s quite a giggle, is that at the next “robot”, you give the next guy some coins to empty the rubbish out of your car. Ever get the feeling that you’re some kind of bizarre vending machine?
My favourite
My favourite: The congenial, uncle, cousin, brother, doctor, professor, healer, specialist, who can either restore a man to the ultimate state of manhood, or a new-ish fad, assist the fairer sex: “Good news for women,” the bloody thing’s called. Just use a little imagination and I’m sure you can work out the jist of what this good news entails.
This one’s a Prof and he can heal, sort out, reduce all kinds of embarrassing and debilitating sexually related woes (I can’t go into it in further detail because this is a family show).
If you “Come consult him today”, you can expect an immediate improvement in your work and interview prospects, health and well-being and, of course, love life.
Talk about preying on the desperate and needy.
The menfolk
The menfolk have long been targeted (and boy do they love the N2 turnoff to Mount Edgecombe and Gateway and the intersection with the Phoenix highway. What’s up with that?) These medical miracle workers promise to make things larger, firmer, happier, make a man suddenly irresistible to the opposite sex (they never seem to mention homosexual relationships) and just generally promise an impossibly bright future.
I picked up one the other day from a healer who promised to make dreams come true; counteract the effects of witchcraft; customise spells; win back your dream lover and, wait for it, provide “happiness” spells. Well, I never.
The frightening thing is that this crackpot advertising actually works. It must do, or these poor unfortunates would very soon disappear from our roadsides, and the quacks would be out of business. – Garth Johnstone
2 Comments
Dear Sir
As a life coach I had a good chuckle at your editorial “Letting fly at the dodgy flyer brigade” as it hit a nerve with me. On a personal level I am amused at the impertinence of the authors. What a wonderful world it would be if only our dreams could be achieved so easily! My personal favourite is the one that promises to give women seeking to become attractive “curb appeal”! Maybe this is a marriage made in heaven for the men seeking to become more attractive to the opposite sex. I even receive these flyers in email format now. And yes, I too wonder how many clients Dr Henry and Professor Herbs attract. I suppose I should inquire as to what herbs they’re using? Maybe that’s the secret for their longevity?
Thanks for the chuckle.
Warm regards
Colleen Ingram
Martha Beck certified Life Coach
We didn’t even begin to delve into some of the trashy adverts you read in newsprint these days. That’s a story for another day.