Read the personal account of mom and wife Kimberly Balbadhur ‘The real life struggle of a young mom and wife’
Everyone always talks about the good parts of becoming a mom and wife, but no one ever shares the real struggle behind it. I’ve seen many post of our young generation saying stuff like, how they would make a perfect wife and what wife material is. When, in reality, no one ever tells them how hard the real world is.
As a young girl growing up I had dreams of a big wedding, a massive house, the “coolest” car and the perfect children. Yes, yes it’s all well and good to have dreams and some you actually accomplish, but the rest of the time you have to deal with reality.
Today I’m going to tell you what it I think it really means and feels like to be a mom and wife. Not that cute memes stuff or what society wants you to believe, I’m going to give you the Real DEAL!
At the age of 15, I fell pregnant with my 1st born. Yes I know, not really a wise decision but god had bigger plans for me, and his way will always prevail no matter what you decide, I delivered a beautiful baby girl at 16 years, not knowing the responsibility I had taken on, I knew one thing and one thing only. I loved babies and I could do this!
Little did I know loving babies wasn’t enough to become a mother. I had to give up my freedom, my late nights out or simply just chatting and relaxing on my phone, but most importantly my education. I couldn’t eat when I wanted, I couldn’t sleep when I wanted, and I couldn’t just go whenever I wanted, because I now had this beautiful soul that needed me. It was a hard road, a really tough one and only after becoming mother, did I realise the kind of responsibility it was.
I was one of the few lucky ones whose “baby daddy” stayed and didn’t just leave like most teenage pregnancies. However with that came more responsibility for me. I now had to become a mother and a “wife like figure” at just 16 years old. I whooped out my big girl pants and took on my responsibilities. As days, months and even years went by it got harder to cope with that feeling of the loss of your freedom.
But in front of me stood a beautiful girl, who I knew, whatever I was doing was for her love and that thought made me realise how selfless a mother can be.
I never understood when people told me, how can a “Baby raise a baby”. After a year or two it finally made sense, as I knew what came with motherhood. Many doubted me, many said I would never make it, but with the help of my boyfriend and my family I succeed.
I raised a awesome little girl.
Staying at home with her gave me so many lifetime memories but also made me feel a little alone, lost and sad that I couldn’t do what my friends were doing. I missed my matric dance, I missed the feeling of standing at 12:00 am waiting for my results so I can party I missed going out for my usual walks with my friends.
it was all so sad just thinking about it, and no, I do not regret my baby and I love her more than anything in this world. But these are the reality of the feelings you go through as a teenage mom. It’s actually sad that no one ever talks about how hard life really is when you have this responsibility.
Anyway back to the story….
One year after my baby was born, my boyfriend had asked me to marry him. Oh the feelings of joy, my first love wants to marry me and we have a baby already, it’s going to be a happy life!
We were engaged for a few years, and in 2017 we finally tied the knot. Those years of engagement were just the same as marriage for me as we lived together. Oh yes, let me tell you, it definitely was not a bed of roses. We have immense love for eachother; always had and still have, but the struggles we faced to be couple were out of this world at times. It would be so bad we even went many days without speaking, broke up over a gazillion times and got back together.
Basically we faced a lot of struggles to be together.
Taking on the responsibility of now becoming a wife and a mother was extremely hard and honestly still is, you now have another “big baby”. Yes, that’s one saying I definitely agree with. Becoming a wife is a little like becoming a mother, you still have to clean up after them, feed them, clothe them and even deal with their hectic moods.
Some days are full of love and laughter and others well how can I say this? Full of fights I guess, lol.
There’s so many things the both of you won’t agree on, there’s times where you or your spouse won’t like how you are, or what you do. Marriage comes with arguments, fights, laughs, tears, joy, sorrow and so much more! You have to adapt to your spouse, make them happy, change your bad habits and deal thiers. Deal with all of this emotionally too.
The struggle is real, marriage is not like society portrays it or what you see in memes, you know those cute cuddle pictures, those gazillion roses and those couples playing ps2. No, it’s so much more. Beside dealing with the fact that you now have to be a mom and a wife, you also have “family issues” to deal with and, oh yes, it does comes from BOTH sides!
There’s plenty of times were you feel alone, even while having your spouse there. There’s plenty of times when you go to bed hungry or even crying. Everyday is a new venture and new challenge. If anyone ever says they perfected married life it’s not true, everyone has their ups and downs but your love for each other will overcome it all.
The stress of finishing your education, and getting a job is real! Especially with South Africa being the way it is. With little, to no employment opportunities. You then have this feeling of been a failure, thinking you can’t provide for your family and feeling completely shattered. At the same time, you still have to be a mom and a wife. You still have to wash those dishes, dry those clothes, cook that food, clean your house, look good and keep your mental health!
For me things changed soon after our marriage, I found out I was pregnant again and I delivered a gorgeous baby boy. I am now following my dreams and going to get my education as I’ve realised that without education you have nothing.
To our young generation, please take my story as a eye opener and know that becoming mom and wife is no easy job. Take your time to grow up, finish your education, live your life, travel and see the world, and then settle down. I can’t change the direction of your life, only you can do that but if I can spark thoughts in your mind then I have succeeded.
Remember that life is real and not what you see in couple videos, quotes or memes. Even after being together for 7 years, married with two wonderful kids, we are still trying to be better spouses and parents. It goes on forever and everyday you learn a little more to become a better person.
Today, I am a proud mom and wife. I have a 4 year old girl and 8 month old little boy. It has been a tough journey, one with lots of hardships, joy and memories and I’m still not where I want to be. We are still making a better life for ourselves and our kids. I love my husband and kids more than anything and I know that one day we will accomplish all our dreams, but for now we will figure it out.
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