The sushi diaries

Trying to keep up with the “Kenny Kunene feasting on sushi off the bodies of scantily clad, gorgeous young women, endorsed then unendorsed by Julius Malema, with a severe tongue lashing from Gwede Mantashe saga” is a real handful for journalists looking for a scoop these days. The elusive sushi skandaal updates by the day, even by the hour . . . sometimes there’s no other option but to throw caution to the wind and guess what’s going to unfold next in this tasty saga.

Okay, a bit of history required here. Towards the end of last year, flash businessman Kenny Kunene (who made most of his money in mining and through various other businesses, now including entertainment) hit the headlines in a big way with the hosting of his bling birthday bash in Johannesburg, where sushi was served off the bodies of scantily clad young women. Much backslapping and jollifications were recorded and there was an outcry with claims that Kunene was reducing women to the status of sex symbols and reinforcing base patriarchal behaviour.

The heat was poured squarely on to Kunene who hit back sharply, saying he was a self mad man and was proud to flaunt his wealth. He suggested that conservative elements of society were attacking him simply because he was a black man who had made good. Cosatu General Secretary Zwelinzima Vavi was one high profile target of Kunene’s vociferous fightback.

Then came the cruel blow which ended the sushi revolution when Youth League leader Julius Malema, enjoying a bash at the recently opened ZAR club in Cape Town, referred to the club as belonging to the ANC. Gwede Mantashe brought out his big bat, swatted Malema aside and the sushi files were firmly closed.

The latest talk around the office is that cunning marketing execs all across the land are fiendishly trying to drum up clever, sushi-related ad campaigns . . . what better way to show how smart, modern, upwardly mobile and with-it their brands are? The ad agency working for a well known chicken fast food chain, for example, could have a field day with this one. Or your local chain of fisheries?

Kunene’s abashed recent announcement that he would no longer be holding “sushi parties” at his swank chain of clubs came just before news that he will be bringing brand Kunene to Durban.

As I write this, while I mull over the Sunday newspapers with a cappy and a cheese roll in hand, I read about the Kenster’s ambitious plans for club ZAR in Durban. Fascinating, saucy stuff. The bit that really raises the eyebrows is the comment from Kunene that he is disappointed that he cannot bring the sushi concept to eThekwini because, “I would have had Indian and Chinese girls in Durban. I just wanted to change the plates to see how the sushi tastes from different plates.” In the interview published in the Sunday Tribune, Kunene doesn’t stop there.

“I had black girls in Joburg, white girls in Cape Town, and I was hoping to eat sushi off Indian girls in Durban.” Wow.

I can’t even begin to imagine how well his plans for sushi parties would have gone down in the Durban community . . . not. The mind, she boggles.

I wonder if, shorn of the sushi angle (but not all those beautiful young women), Kunene’s magic can endure and club ZAR will be in the swim against some stern competition around town. We wait for the next hourly twist in this fishy tale. – Garth Johnstone