Words are extremely powerful – they can build our children up, or break them down. Every word counts.
Without realising it, kids remember what you say, and youngsters believe every word you say. When you use words wisely (e.g. encouraging them for trying), it does wonders for building their self-esteem.
It’s actually quite amazing that our words, (and how we say them), are being absorbed by our kids all the time.
Neuroscientist, Louis Cozolino, tells us that the amygdala (that part of our brain that is activated in fear situations) pays special attention to anger signals, while positive, warm encouragement increases serotonin (a feel-good hormone). This means that simply through words (and how we say them), we literally have the power to change everything! Words can build your child up, or break him down. It takes much more effort to undo the negative effects of our words, than it does to start speaking positively. So why not give positivity a go.
Try some of these encouraging phrases:
“Nice listening”
“I’ve noticed that you’re really trying”
“Well done, I can see you’re getting better at ….”
“You’re really making progress”
“Thanks. That’s helped me a lot”
Remember:
• Young children take words literally – their logic and reasoning isn’t well developed yet.
• Kids take things personally and misinterpret things – often making wrong assumptions.
• They believe what we tell them – adults are powerful, be careful of sarcasm.
• They remember negative comments easily – in comparison to praise.
• Children become what you tell them – be encouraging and speak “as if” they’re already co-operating (e.g. “nice listening”).
• “Yes” motivates – “no” makes kids defensive (e.g. “Yes, you can have that after supper”).
Speaking consciously is an ongoing learning in self-awareness. Yet words can change lives, so be patient with yourself and watch how your new way of talking easily wins their co-operation and starts to change how they view themselves.
Follow psychologist Carol Surya on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube @RaisingKidsPositively where she offers calm, creative and conscious positive parenting solutions.
Visit www.raisingkidspositively.com.