“C-c-covid test?” I stammered as I repeated the doctor’s words.
“Yes, right next door,” the doctor said confidently.
I shuddered.
The thought of a lengthy swab uncomfortably making its way up the small and delicate nose of my beautiful five-month-old baby had me trembling with fear and anxiety. A million thoughts raced through my head at that moment. “What if she has Covid19?
Were my four months of hard lockdown, staying indoors and going nowhere further than my garden absolutely useless?
How was I to treat her if the only safe medication is Panado and Calpol?”
My feet carried me towards the next room where we were expected by a nurse. Everything was a blur. Tears streamed from my eyes as I filled out the application form. My anxiety had reached a peak that resulted in me writing incorrect information. Thankfully, the nurse pointed it out before we could conduct the test. Furaihah’s terrifying screams made me quiver. For the first time in her life, I felt completely helpless as my emotions spiralled out of control. What can I say? From the onset of South Africa’s lockdown, I had taken immense precautionary measures specifically to avoid this very moment I was inevitably meant to experience.
Fast forward ten minutes later which felt like an eternity, the swab didn’t travel further than the back of her throat instead of up her nasal cavity. The worst that happened was her slight gagging and cries of discomfort. She tested negative. It turns out all she had were swollen glands and flu-like symptoms owing to her teething phase.
Furaihah is now a strong one-year-old with a good few pearly white teeth. We all experience fear and anxiety at some point in our lives – from eagerly awaiting an examination question paper in high school or the results of it, to facing a teenage crush and making lifelong career choices. However, this episode was the first to introduce me to a whole new level of anxiety. As first-time moms, we are overwhelmed by little things that we may overcome by taking a few deep breaths but there are also moments which leave us gulping and gasping for air. And who could blame us? Our tiny being was housed and well protected throughout the first nine months of his/her existence and once they enter the world, we strive to protect them no less than before. With the passing of each day, I learn a lot about my motherly self – a newfound dimension of patience, craziness, positivity and of course, a strength I didn’t know I always had.
To the mama reading this:
Never let your anxiety take control.
Face it. Own it. Control it. Destroy it.
By Faheema Sahib.