A decadent Christmas!

It’s the time of year when, try as you may, you have to break certain rules . . . we’re talking about food . . . and drink. Lots and lots of delicious temptations that most of us find impossible to deny ourselves come the end of the year.

Every year you might say, “Not this year, this time it will be different. I’m going to go easy on the gravies, the sauces and, of course, the desserts.” Good luck with that, here’s a whole lot of reasons why you’ll probably fail.

Pre-dinner drinks: Sherries, brandies and cocktails.
If the weather is cool, watch out for the sherries and brandies. One is fine, just don’t get too involved, your day could be over before it begins. In hot, summer weather you might head straight for the cocktail trolley. A Pimms cocktail’s not too bad, but enter the domain of Sex on the Beach or sweet rum cocktails and you’ll be getting tipsy while soaking up loads of calories. Be sure not to stagger in front of the guests.

Puff the magic dragon
A celebratory cigar or two (we recommend Partagas for maximum quality); great for the nerves, but don’t puff too hard, you could feel a bit queasy come dinner time.

Starters
In these climes, a seafood cocktail is often the starter of choice. Stay away from the seriously rich dips and spreads. Foie gras is the choice of kings, but this is super-rich and there are serious issues with the way in which it’s produced (ducks or geese are often force fed to produce prime product. Gross).

Mains
Where to start? The fatty, greasy skins of chicken and turkey, beef, pork, lamb. . . all those sauces and condiments. The stuffing (the word stuffing says it all). The apple jelly, mint jelly, greasy vegetables, auntie’s curry. The list goes on. Some sensible folk serve cold fish or cold meats. This makes life a tad more tolerable. My favourite two are a slice of perfectly prepared gammon or a thick slice of roast lamb, but hold the gravy please.

Booze
Wine, wine and more wine. What about some bubbles? Added to the stomach-expanding impact of the mains, this can leave you feeling decidedly unwell. Extreme caution recommended here.

Desserts
Christmas pudding soaked in lashings of brandy and custard. Boozy trifle. What about a little beauty called Stollen – this description from Allrecipes.com: “A German Christmas tradition, this sweet yeast bread is packed with raisins, currants, citrus and tart cherries. A ribbon of marzipan lurks invitingly  . . .” Of course there’s dense icing and various other health hazards to negotiate (loosen the belt and pray for the best). Anyone for cherries with Kirsch in syrup?

The Best and Worst of Xmas

American Eggnog: As a grand finale I’ve saved a recipe my mother-in-law got from the American Embassy in the days before the internet (I kid you not, she phoned them up for a dinkum recipe for American Eggnog). And you thought it was nothing more than an egg flip with a dash of hooch in it. Think again! Here it is.

American Eggnog recipe:
Beat together till thick and pale.
6 egg yolks and 2 cups of sugar
Slowly stir in
2 cups of American Bourbon
1 cup of Jamaica rum and 1 cup of brandy
Blend in 6 cups of heavy cream and 2 cups of milk
Beat 6 egg whites separately until peaks form
Gently fold egg whites into creamy egg yolk mixture
Chill well
Sprinkle with nutmeg before serving

Ingredients:
6 eggs; 2 cups of sugar; 2 cups of American Bourbon; 1 cup Jamaican rum; 1 cup brandy; 6 cups heavy cream; 2 cups milk; Nutmeg

NB: An American pint is 16 oz as opposed to a British pint which is 20 oz. I cup equals 250ml.

If you’re brave enough to take this monster on, American Eggnog is our top decadent tip for this festive season. Good luck and we hope you have a fantastic holiday season surrounded by the ones you love.

A less boozy eggnog alternative

**Please drive safely. Do not drink and drive. There are plenty of taxi services available or call Good Fellas. – Garth Johnstone